timestamp, beginning again.

this blog was begun as a way to chronicle a trip i began in august 09 to work, mostly through wwoof on organic farms in the US. all the posts that came before this one tell the story of that strange journey. its mostly a personal account of the experience, with a few details about each place i visited, and ends dismally... in my opinion..

anyway. i would like to set a new intention and re-purpose this as an arena devoted to the experience of places. traveling, living. the notion of home. the idea of moving, visiting, new beginnings... impressions of cities and countries and venues... specific journeys to other physical places. a chronicle of wanderlust.

since i left new york's hudson valley after high school, i was always seeking a place to call home. seven or so cities have claimed me since, and none of them could tame me. i struggled with this a long while, thinking, i MUST root! i MUST be settled and home and know my place in the world! but the experience of the 'new'... the uncharted, it always calls. so, at the ripe age of 27 (which i will be in a matter of weeks) i'm finally surrendering to my nature.











yes- the dandelion sets a deep and hardy root down into the earth, getting stronger through the frosty year. her yellow flowers freckle the spring, a prop for games and daydreams, salads and sweet wine... but she's a dreamer, casting into the sky the miracle of her wishes, real seeds, carried away by the breeze, to manifest in other meadows.

as i continue to embrace this aspect of my being, i would like to share with you my experience of places. i promise to give you more pictures and details, more impressions and explorations of physical space, homes, cities... i promise to share more with you of what i experience during this life on earth.


with very much love,

jacqueline dandelion

the new new

well, hello. its 2010 now. 2010. THE FUTURE.

i've been staying still awhile. well. i visited baltimore twice, but besides that i've been at my parents' since before thanksgiving.

but the times are a'changing. i'm not quite sure what's coming, but i know it is.
i suddenly feel more positive and comfortable, even though nothing external has yet changed. i don't know what i'm going to do, i feel utterly confused and weird about life in general. i'm turning 27 in february, and i feel like at 27 i should have my shit together. or start to, or something... but maybe it is. maybe i'm in an ok place because i know what my values are and i know what experiences i still wish to have, and i have some ideas... i often do this thing where i present myself as a lost puppy with no ideas of what i want or what to do, when i really have a secret plot cooking, i just hate to let it out before its real enough. in this case, i have a few ideas, all of them small and indistinct right now. i need to paint the details so i can talk about them and make something turn real.

its a somewhat scary time though. i have to start paying my bills in a couple of months. til now, my parents have been paying for pretty much everything. there was a time when i made some money and could support myself, but its been awhile since then. i've been struggling. enough of that! i'm ready for abundance, i'm ready for no stress about it. i just dont know how to work it out. i get afraid of getting stuck in a situation- like if i make some money i'll become dependent on the situation and won't be able to move or travel. but the thing is, i can't move or travel right now without the funds, so... so. i dont know. nothing makes much sense to me right now, but i'm trying not to be afraid. i'm trying to see it as an opportunity to bring into my life all the things that are missing. to write myself a new, gorgeous story to live in, that is not only comfortable, but also challenging and adventurous and feels great all the time! enough with the struggling. it doesnt serve me. i need to allow my dreams to take shape and come true.


so ok. that's where i am today. here. happy new year <3

hot smoke and sasafrass by bubble puppy

my dad and i are watching infomercials for music compilations again. yes, AGAIN. i've been here a week. a whole week. today, i emailed a wwoof farm that's in this here hometown of mine. its a "fiber farm" which is to say- they raise sheep and goats and make yarn from their coats. they even have a fiber CSA. isn't that cool? hopefully they can use a volunteer. hopefully they're spinning and dyeing yarn and i can learn about those things. hopefully.

my dad and i started insulating the basement today. i think we'll finish tomorrow, and then i can set up a studio down there. i've been drawing a lot, and i'm getting kind of excited about painting. i haven't done it in years. after i dropped out of art school, and after all my old artwork was destroyed when we knocked down the house i grew up in, i've been totally estranged from that artist i was. i haven't felt the desire to make things so strongly since then, until now. i want to make music, i want to write songs. i want to paint portraits and surreal, colorful scenes. and i want to crochet and sew and make jewelry and adornments. i like the way this desire has been bubbling up. before now, i thought that uncontrollable urge might be a thing of the past.

maybe its like that for relationship passion as well. i've kissed people since i was a teenager, and felt no sparks since then. i was thinking i might not ever feel it again, that buzzing electric feeling of kissing a lover. that maybe i'm too old for that feeling and i might have to settle for boring kisses. but the way i feel now about being creative makes me think that i could be wrong. maybe life and i are both less predictable than we seem.

too much television and internet here at my parents house. or anywhere when i've got both these things and too much free time. i don't really want a job. but, to leave again, i'll need some money, or at least a good plan. so far it hasn't come to me.

a farm internship is what i feel like i should do. and want to do. it feels like picking a college though- the same things hold me back, the same things that hold most people back, i suppose. fears. i'm afraid of picking a bad one. i know this is possible. i'm afraid of committing, to anything, ever. there are too many paths i'm curious about! i'm afraid to pick one and stick to it. i'm so very much a jack of all trades, master of none.

but i would very much like to be an expert at something i'm passionate about. so, i suppose i should keep going down this road.

sometimes being with my parents makes me feel like such a little kid. i want someone, or the universe, to decide for me. to tell me what to do and show me how.

i'm so tempted to leave after the holidays and hitch-hike cross country. go sleep on my friends' couches on the west coast, take it from there....






i had such a weird and wonderful journey. chicago was amazing. so many beautiful times. on my last night, april and i went to the 96th floor of the hancock building for 1 very expensive drink each. all of chicago was laid out for us up there, the lights stretching in lsparkling lines, to the horizon. and that black ink lake, that almost-ocean of lake. what a thing.
sleepovers at katie's were so good! staying up telling stories and singing songs every night til nearly morning, and sleeping well into the afternoon. its so different sleeping that late when there are plenty of other cozy sleepers turning it from something depressing to the nicest sleep ever.
i feel really blessed for the time i spent in chicago. it started off really strange, with my brain suddenly feeling stoned and paranoid, for the first time since i stopped smoking weed after the san francisco incident (ie: when i went crazy) and it did not feel good. it was scary. i felt so paralyzed, physically and mentally. it was in a room full of good friends and friends of theirs, so it was a warm and secure place. it was probably from the stress- my car broke down twice before chicago, and i had less than a hundred dollars when i got there. i wasn't eating very well. anyway, whatever it was was scary and embarassing and made me feel weird about my relationship with my mind. like, what is hiding in there? and how can i get it out? i want to see a shaman. i want to face my dark places and shine light there.

but it went away. and i thoroughly enjoyed myself for the rest of my stay. i rode a bike in a city for the first time!!! i went and played music on the street for the first time! i got to see a bunch of wonderful people who i love! i got to go to april's birthday party and enjoy delectable food stuff and a bonfire and wine on the roof! i totally rode the L train! i made fresh tortillas for the first time! i got to see killer whales and bird names AND mucca pazza! oh man, what a show! i met lots of new friends and lots of interesting characters. i had a ball. it seems so far away already.

i still have so much to learn. and there are still so many places i haven't seen. but, i had to come here. i was out of money, my car was becoming unreliable, and its getting cold and i didn't have a very thorough plan. plus, i love holdays with family.

i guess i'll always be trying to figure out what i'm doing, huh? that seems to be constant, while i keep on doing things.


anyway. the only plans i have are thanksgiving + christmas with family. making some pretty things. and somehow, going to baltimore for new years. sounds good. til then, i suppose i'll be figuring out what comes after that.

my sleep has been fitful the past few days. this morning i awoke from a really intense dream. i can't remember it, but i also can't shake the feeling of being in the middle of it.

i've been down here for a week now, i think, in miami. well, really in homestead. the redlands... i'm on this one acre tropical fruit tree forest, basically. right now there are avocados, bananas, and starfruit (carambolas) to eat off the tree. there were also tree strawberries, also called cotton candy berries, but they're gone because we trimmed the tree. they taste nutty and buttery and sweet at one time.

besides the fruit growing on the acre, there's plenty around this area. i have tried, and fallen in love with, so many fruits is didn't know existed before... mamey tastes like pumpkin pie, and cinnamon apples- well, taste like that... jackfruit is crazy looking and tastes buttery and fruity- i heard its the flavor they went for with juicy fruit gum. hog plums are amazing, like tangy custard. sapote, like marzipan. i want to build a glass house up north to grow these things in. but no papaya. i can't stand papaya.

last week i went to the beach in miami. i wanted to live an alternate ending, be a tall, tan, blonde bartender in a fancy little pastel building who goes jogging every morning and spends all day at the beach, or lounging poolside, reading gossip magazines. later, wearing perfume and serving european tourists fancy cocktails in this art deco paradise. this fantasy makes me feel like i have when i traveled in countries where i didn't speak the language. like an outsider who could write my way into a new story, perhaps.

today i cut banana leaves that were casting too much shade over other trees. i wasn't doing a great job of it. they're so huge and high up and i was feeling kind of dizzy all day today. i've been planting vegetable seeds. doing a lot of moving dirt and mulch around. so much weeding. philodendron grow all over the property. they get so huge- i didn't know philadendron leaves could get so big, like bigger than my head. maybe twice the size. they're such innocent looking house plants. what else? yesterday i helped take a diseased tree down with an electric chainsaw. and get the stump and roots out. i took some banana tree root stumps out, too. i got to work out my inner aggression on that. its fun to get angry during such tasks, heaving a huge pick in the air and slamming it down into the earth. it feels weird and awesome.

yesterday i learned about tree propagation. it was really interesting. i didn't really know what grafting meant, but its like magic. basically, exposing the flesh of one tree to another by attaching a branch to a sapling, and then it grows and fruits through the grafted branch so you get the right amount of delicious in the fruit... i didnt know that fruit trees don't necessarily grow true to their seed- like an orange tree planted from a seed of an orange will grow sour oranges.... so you have to graft good types to the sour tree seedling to get the good fruit. crazy. also it is possible to graft braches of more than one tree and have different types of oranges grow on the same tree... crazy. air layering is also a magical thing. but i'm too tired and unfocused to talk about it.

i'm so sleepy. i have a lot of sinus pressure.

most likely, i am going to stop traveling soon. i'm running out of money and i'm kind of bored of it in a way. bored of traveling alone and also of not really getting the learning experience i was imagining. i think after chicago (next week!!!) i'll stay with my folks and figure some things out, like what to do next. i definitely want to apply for internships at biodynamic farms and i've been thinking of looking for a job somewhere in the meantime (i guess in southern california or florida where winter is not dormant) on a farm that also produces packaged food, just to see how that goes, and to not hang out in the winter... but i don't know yet. i love the weather here.

anyway. that's whats up.

sunburn

hi. i miss you. hi. i love you. hi. its beautiful and i wish you were here.


i left asheville on monday. from a craigslist post, i got a sweet hippie chick to share the ride and i got to spend a night at the hostel in the forest in brunswick, georgia, which was pretty sweet. its all hand built tree houses and domes, compost toilets, an outdoor kitchen in the works. chickens. wooden trails on stilts through the woods. a big glass house for yoga. gardens. a lake. an outdoor shower and a bath... it 's pretty glorious. i didn't stay long, nor did i socialize much with the staff who were the only people there the night i stayed. i don't know why not. they all seemed pretty awesome, and interesting. i just needed some solo time.

i left and spent a night in my aunt's trailer in a gated retirement community while she was in new york. it was kind of awesome to be alone. and it was hot and muggy and beautiful. nice respite.

anyway. now i'm on this "farm" in florida, which is like, mostly a hippie homestead, sort of a preserve. the guy who owns it is a botanist who works for the state. he's smart and the place is pretty nice. i was sleeping in a stationary van with a mattress, that was nice and looked out on a meadow, sweet under the moon and stars at night. but last night there were two huge flying roaches in there, so i moved into the trailer. there are two of us in there, another wwoof person and i. there is no power. there is drinking water and a pond for bathing. there is a fire for cooking. there's a "compost toilet" which is not very private and i've had a hard time using it- its just a bucket under a toilet seat with a curtain on one side. you cover the shit with leaves and put into an aging compost pile. i'm down with the humanure, but i don't like having no privacy to shit in. i didn't go for 24 hours.

anyway. its not really a farm, but it probably will be one day. there are lots of really young fruit trees (fruitless now though) ... and nut trees. there are basil, mint, and some other herbs. lemongrass. but nothing really to eat. probably there are lots of edible mushrooms, but i haven't learned about them yet. mycol- the owner, buys food. we have a stew we keep adding to. potatoes and onions in the mornings for breakfast- we cook over a fire. it has taken us almost an hour each morning to cook breakfast. mycol doesnt care what time we get up, so that's nice, too. he's totally a pothead dude and gets distracted constantly. but he knows so much about plants and ecology and has this gorgeous land that he lets random strangers come live on and work on. yesterday i painted a little mural type thing on the wall enclosing the front porch. today, i planted lettuces and painted primer on more of the porch. i cooked a meal which takes awhile. it was hot today and there were 4 of us working. only 2 of us and mycol are living there though. mycol stays in a yurt, we hung out in there the first night. he plays guitar and churango which is like a tiny guitar that plays more like a mandolin. i'm getting ok at banjo! i can play a bunch of songs. i keep learning new ones. i'm getting more comfortable with it. maybe i'll busk one day. i have at least half an hour of songs, i think.... heh....


so. i dont know how long i will last doing this. i have so many mosquito and fire ant bites. i look like i have chicken pox. but whatever. no huge flying roaches in the trailer so far, and its a pretty beautiful life on the finca. working on my moccasins- hey, that sinew stuff seemed a lot easier to separate when lizzy was doing it. i cant seem to make it work. lizzy- advice? um. i'm really lookinh forward to chicago halloween. i'll probably stay here until then. i'm writing from a place called "the beer pit" right now, in gainesville. heh. and charging my phone, and drinking wine. yeah, this is why i dunno if i can keep travlin. i got so little, moneywise, and i spend little, but i do spend. anyway. whatever happens. there's a million ways to be.

<3

o, cult.

well. so much has happened since i last wrote. i had so much fun in baltimore that i almost fell apart. i had a wonderful drive through virginia and tenessee. i stayed in a house full of radical queer anarchist punk ladies. and i escaped a cult! whew. events.

the cult thing... i dont know. they were really nice. as individuals. mostly. they made good food. on paper they sound awesome. in real life... it was creepy. if i had a friend with me, it would have been different. good fodder for a future story, for sure. i kept thinking i would stay either as an excercise in open-mindedness, or so i could tell a good story later... but i didn't really want to stay. especially with no other human to look at like, "hey- this is crazy, right?"

anyway. now its like all bets are off. i don't know what i'm doing. i feel like i really have to choose one way or the other- traveling adventure or farm apprenticeship.... but in the meantime, i think i might go to a radical fairy farm. where the fancy gays farm and ferment food and play and dance and make art... that sounds so much more awesome, no? so i'm going to look into that possibility today.

i'm staying in the house with the rad ladies for now. one of them plays accordion- really well- and one just started playing banjo so i'm actually helping! and one makes kimchi and sour kraut and last night i learned how to crochet! so its cool for now but i don't want to overstay my welcome plus i want to farm.

i think i'll try the radical fairy farm, but i also need something to change. i really want a traveling partner if i'm going to have adventures. it makes everything so much more fun- DO YOU WANT TO COME WITH ME?! please tell me.
OR i need to sit down seriously and apply for real internships where i'll learn to be a farmer like farm school.... so something. but i know i want to be in chicago for halloween, so i don't know if i'll make firm choices before then... who knows really....
anyway... that's where i'm at. i'd like to write more, but i'm on a timed internet session in the anarchist bookstore in asheville and its almost that time.
so, much love <3