Sunday, March 13, 2011
Sunday, May 16, 2010
dance by the light of the moon
this blog is an account of leaving baltimore + traveling to work on organic farms and maybe figure out a little more about myself + life. i won't be updating it- it just stands as a record of events. i suggest reading it chronologically, if you want to hear about the trip.
if you want to read about what i'm up to now, i update eat dandelions with stuff about food (gluten free, vegan, whole/slow foods), gardening, making things, and things pertaining to living in a balanced and celebratory way. or, my attempts to live as such.
i also keep lovely little things where i post a mooosh of things i feel like posting without any point. i try to keep it lovely + full of pretty + magical things.
i'm trying to get it together and be more cohesive about this whole blogging business. but, its as i am in life. all over the place. i feel like the characters in childrens' things who have many faces and whose fingers point in all different directions. so be it!!!
love, jacqueline
if you want to read about what i'm up to now, i update eat dandelions with stuff about food (gluten free, vegan, whole/slow foods), gardening, making things, and things pertaining to living in a balanced and celebratory way. or, my attempts to live as such.
i also keep lovely little things where i post a mooosh of things i feel like posting without any point. i try to keep it lovely + full of pretty + magical things.
i'm trying to get it together and be more cohesive about this whole blogging business. but, its as i am in life. all over the place. i feel like the characters in childrens' things who have many faces and whose fingers point in all different directions. so be it!!!
love, jacqueline
Friday, April 30, 2010
eat flowers
i FINALLY developed some photos from the journey. i shot two rolls before the old SLR lost is reflex action and i couldn't shoot no more. i'll link some up accordingly with the places they reflect, but for now, for your browsing pleasure, a link to flickr.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
hot smoke and sasafrass by bubble puppy
my dad and i are watching infomercials for music compilations again. yes, AGAIN. i've been here a week. a whole week. today, i emailed a wwoof farm that's in this here hometown of mine. its a "fiber farm" which is to say- they raise sheep and goats and make yarn from their coats. they even have a fiber CSA. isn't that cool? hopefully they can use a volunteer. hopefully they're spinning and dyeing yarn and i can learn about those things. hopefully.
my dad and i started insulating the basement today. i think we'll finish tomorrow, and then i can set up a studio down there. i've been drawing a lot, and i'm getting kind of excited about painting. i haven't done it in years. after i dropped out of art school, and after all my old artwork was destroyed when we knocked down the house i grew up in, i've been totally estranged from that artist i was. i haven't felt the desire to make things so strongly since then, until now. i want to make music, i want to write songs. i want to paint portraits and surreal, colorful scenes. and i want to crochet and sew and make jewelry and adornments. i like the way this desire has been bubbling up. before now, i thought that uncontrollable urge might be a thing of the past.
maybe its like that for relationship passion as well. i've kissed people since i was a teenager, and felt no sparks since then. i was thinking i might not ever feel it again, that buzzing electric feeling of kissing a lover. that maybe i'm too old for that feeling and i might have to settle for boring kisses. but the way i feel now about being creative makes me think that i could be wrong. maybe life and i are both less predictable than we seem.
too much television and internet here at my parents house. or anywhere when i've got both these things and too much free time. i don't really want a job. but, to leave again, i'll need some money, or at least a good plan. so far it hasn't come to me.
a farm internship is what i feel like i should do. and want to do. it feels like picking a college though- the same things hold me back, the same things that hold most people back, i suppose. fears. i'm afraid of picking a bad one. i know this is possible. i'm afraid of committing, to anything, ever. there are too many paths i'm curious about! i'm afraid to pick one and stick to it. i'm so very much a jack of all trades, master of none.
but i would very much like to be an expert at something i'm passionate about. so, i suppose i should keep going down this road.
sometimes being with my parents makes me feel like such a little kid. i want someone, or the universe, to decide for me. to tell me what to do and show me how.
i'm so tempted to leave after the holidays and hitch-hike cross country. go sleep on my friends' couches on the west coast, take it from there....
i had such a weird and wonderful journey. chicago was amazing. so many beautiful times. on my last night, april and i went to the 96th floor of the hancock building for 1 very expensive drink each. all of chicago was laid out for us up there, the lights stretching in lsparkling lines, to the horizon. and that black ink lake, that almost-ocean of lake. what a thing.
sleepovers at katie's were so good! staying up telling stories and singing songs every night til nearly morning, and sleeping well into the afternoon. its so different sleeping that late when there are plenty of other cozy sleepers turning it from something depressing to the nicest sleep ever.
i feel really blessed for the time i spent in chicago. it started off really strange, with my brain suddenly feeling stoned and paranoid, for the first time since i stopped smoking weed after the san francisco incident (ie: when i went crazy) and it did not feel good. it was scary. i felt so paralyzed, physically and mentally. it was in a room full of good friends and friends of theirs, so it was a warm and secure place. it was probably from the stress- my car broke down twice before chicago, and i had less than a hundred dollars when i got there. i wasn't eating very well. anyway, whatever it was was scary and embarassing and made me feel weird about my relationship with my mind. like, what is hiding in there? and how can i get it out? i want to see a shaman. i want to face my dark places and shine light there.
but it went away. and i thoroughly enjoyed myself for the rest of my stay. i rode a bike in a city for the first time!!! i went and played music on the street for the first time! i got to see a bunch of wonderful people who i love! i got to go to april's birthday party and enjoy delectable food stuff and a bonfire and wine on the roof! i totally rode the L train! i made fresh tortillas for the first time! i got to see killer whales and bird names AND mucca pazza! oh man, what a show! i met lots of new friends and lots of interesting characters. i had a ball. it seems so far away already.
i still have so much to learn. and there are still so many places i haven't seen. but, i had to come here. i was out of money, my car was becoming unreliable, and its getting cold and i didn't have a very thorough plan. plus, i love holdays with family.
i guess i'll always be trying to figure out what i'm doing, huh? that seems to be constant, while i keep on doing things.
anyway. the only plans i have are thanksgiving + christmas with family. making some pretty things. and somehow, going to baltimore for new years. sounds good. til then, i suppose i'll be figuring out what comes after that.
my dad and i started insulating the basement today. i think we'll finish tomorrow, and then i can set up a studio down there. i've been drawing a lot, and i'm getting kind of excited about painting. i haven't done it in years. after i dropped out of art school, and after all my old artwork was destroyed when we knocked down the house i grew up in, i've been totally estranged from that artist i was. i haven't felt the desire to make things so strongly since then, until now. i want to make music, i want to write songs. i want to paint portraits and surreal, colorful scenes. and i want to crochet and sew and make jewelry and adornments. i like the way this desire has been bubbling up. before now, i thought that uncontrollable urge might be a thing of the past.
maybe its like that for relationship passion as well. i've kissed people since i was a teenager, and felt no sparks since then. i was thinking i might not ever feel it again, that buzzing electric feeling of kissing a lover. that maybe i'm too old for that feeling and i might have to settle for boring kisses. but the way i feel now about being creative makes me think that i could be wrong. maybe life and i are both less predictable than we seem.
too much television and internet here at my parents house. or anywhere when i've got both these things and too much free time. i don't really want a job. but, to leave again, i'll need some money, or at least a good plan. so far it hasn't come to me.
a farm internship is what i feel like i should do. and want to do. it feels like picking a college though- the same things hold me back, the same things that hold most people back, i suppose. fears. i'm afraid of picking a bad one. i know this is possible. i'm afraid of committing, to anything, ever. there are too many paths i'm curious about! i'm afraid to pick one and stick to it. i'm so very much a jack of all trades, master of none.
but i would very much like to be an expert at something i'm passionate about. so, i suppose i should keep going down this road.
sometimes being with my parents makes me feel like such a little kid. i want someone, or the universe, to decide for me. to tell me what to do and show me how.
i'm so tempted to leave after the holidays and hitch-hike cross country. go sleep on my friends' couches on the west coast, take it from there....
i had such a weird and wonderful journey. chicago was amazing. so many beautiful times. on my last night, april and i went to the 96th floor of the hancock building for 1 very expensive drink each. all of chicago was laid out for us up there, the lights stretching in lsparkling lines, to the horizon. and that black ink lake, that almost-ocean of lake. what a thing.
sleepovers at katie's were so good! staying up telling stories and singing songs every night til nearly morning, and sleeping well into the afternoon. its so different sleeping that late when there are plenty of other cozy sleepers turning it from something depressing to the nicest sleep ever.
i feel really blessed for the time i spent in chicago. it started off really strange, with my brain suddenly feeling stoned and paranoid, for the first time since i stopped smoking weed after the san francisco incident (ie: when i went crazy) and it did not feel good. it was scary. i felt so paralyzed, physically and mentally. it was in a room full of good friends and friends of theirs, so it was a warm and secure place. it was probably from the stress- my car broke down twice before chicago, and i had less than a hundred dollars when i got there. i wasn't eating very well. anyway, whatever it was was scary and embarassing and made me feel weird about my relationship with my mind. like, what is hiding in there? and how can i get it out? i want to see a shaman. i want to face my dark places and shine light there.
but it went away. and i thoroughly enjoyed myself for the rest of my stay. i rode a bike in a city for the first time!!! i went and played music on the street for the first time! i got to see a bunch of wonderful people who i love! i got to go to april's birthday party and enjoy delectable food stuff and a bonfire and wine on the roof! i totally rode the L train! i made fresh tortillas for the first time! i got to see killer whales and bird names AND mucca pazza! oh man, what a show! i met lots of new friends and lots of interesting characters. i had a ball. it seems so far away already.
i still have so much to learn. and there are still so many places i haven't seen. but, i had to come here. i was out of money, my car was becoming unreliable, and its getting cold and i didn't have a very thorough plan. plus, i love holdays with family.
i guess i'll always be trying to figure out what i'm doing, huh? that seems to be constant, while i keep on doing things.
anyway. the only plans i have are thanksgiving + christmas with family. making some pretty things. and somehow, going to baltimore for new years. sounds good. til then, i suppose i'll be figuring out what comes after that.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
my sleep has been fitful the past few days. this morning i awoke from a really intense dream. i can't remember it, but i also can't shake the feeling of being in the middle of it.
i've been down here for a week now, i think, in miami. well, really in homestead. the redlands... i'm on this one acre tropical fruit tree forest, basically. right now there are avocados, bananas, and starfruit (carambolas) to eat off the tree. there were also tree strawberries, also called cotton candy berries, but they're gone because we trimmed the tree. they taste nutty and buttery and sweet at one time.
besides the fruit growing on the acre, there's plenty around this area. i have tried, and fallen in love with, so many fruits is didn't know existed before... mamey tastes like pumpkin pie, and cinnamon apples- well, taste like that... jackfruit is crazy looking and tastes buttery and fruity- i heard its the flavor they went for with juicy fruit gum. hog plums are amazing, like tangy custard. sapote, like marzipan. i want to build a glass house up north to grow these things in. but no papaya. i can't stand papaya.
last week i went to the beach in miami. i wanted to live an alternate ending, be a tall, tan, blonde bartender in a fancy little pastel building who goes jogging every morning and spends all day at the beach, or lounging poolside, reading gossip magazines. later, wearing perfume and serving european tourists fancy cocktails in this art deco paradise. this fantasy makes me feel like i have when i traveled in countries where i didn't speak the language. like an outsider who could write my way into a new story, perhaps.
today i cut banana leaves that were casting too much shade over other trees. i wasn't doing a great job of it. they're so huge and high up and i was feeling kind of dizzy all day today. i've been planting vegetable seeds. doing a lot of moving dirt and mulch around. so much weeding. philodendron grow all over the property. they get so huge- i didn't know philadendron leaves could get so big, like bigger than my head. maybe twice the size. they're such innocent looking house plants. what else? yesterday i helped take a diseased tree down with an electric chainsaw. and get the stump and roots out. i took some banana tree root stumps out, too. i got to work out my inner aggression on that. its fun to get angry during such tasks, heaving a huge pick in the air and slamming it down into the earth. it feels weird and awesome.
yesterday i learned about tree propagation. it was really interesting. i didn't really know what grafting meant, but its like magic. basically, exposing the flesh of one tree to another by attaching a branch to a sapling, and then it grows and fruits through the grafted branch so you get the right amount of delicious in the fruit... i didnt know that fruit trees don't necessarily grow true to their seed- like an orange tree planted from a seed of an orange will grow sour oranges.... so you have to graft good types to the sour tree seedling to get the good fruit. crazy. also it is possible to graft braches of more than one tree and have different types of oranges grow on the same tree... crazy. air layering is also a magical thing. but i'm too tired and unfocused to talk about it.
i'm so sleepy. i have a lot of sinus pressure.
most likely, i am going to stop traveling soon. i'm running out of money and i'm kind of bored of it in a way. bored of traveling alone and also of not really getting the learning experience i was imagining. i think after chicago (next week!!!) i'll stay with my folks and figure some things out, like what to do next. i definitely want to apply for internships at biodynamic farms and i've been thinking of looking for a job somewhere in the meantime (i guess in southern california or florida where winter is not dormant) on a farm that also produces packaged food, just to see how that goes, and to not hang out in the winter... but i don't know yet. i love the weather here.
anyway. that's whats up.
i've been down here for a week now, i think, in miami. well, really in homestead. the redlands... i'm on this one acre tropical fruit tree forest, basically. right now there are avocados, bananas, and starfruit (carambolas) to eat off the tree. there were also tree strawberries, also called cotton candy berries, but they're gone because we trimmed the tree. they taste nutty and buttery and sweet at one time.
besides the fruit growing on the acre, there's plenty around this area. i have tried, and fallen in love with, so many fruits is didn't know existed before... mamey tastes like pumpkin pie, and cinnamon apples- well, taste like that... jackfruit is crazy looking and tastes buttery and fruity- i heard its the flavor they went for with juicy fruit gum. hog plums are amazing, like tangy custard. sapote, like marzipan. i want to build a glass house up north to grow these things in. but no papaya. i can't stand papaya.
last week i went to the beach in miami. i wanted to live an alternate ending, be a tall, tan, blonde bartender in a fancy little pastel building who goes jogging every morning and spends all day at the beach, or lounging poolside, reading gossip magazines. later, wearing perfume and serving european tourists fancy cocktails in this art deco paradise. this fantasy makes me feel like i have when i traveled in countries where i didn't speak the language. like an outsider who could write my way into a new story, perhaps.
today i cut banana leaves that were casting too much shade over other trees. i wasn't doing a great job of it. they're so huge and high up and i was feeling kind of dizzy all day today. i've been planting vegetable seeds. doing a lot of moving dirt and mulch around. so much weeding. philodendron grow all over the property. they get so huge- i didn't know philadendron leaves could get so big, like bigger than my head. maybe twice the size. they're such innocent looking house plants. what else? yesterday i helped take a diseased tree down with an electric chainsaw. and get the stump and roots out. i took some banana tree root stumps out, too. i got to work out my inner aggression on that. its fun to get angry during such tasks, heaving a huge pick in the air and slamming it down into the earth. it feels weird and awesome.
yesterday i learned about tree propagation. it was really interesting. i didn't really know what grafting meant, but its like magic. basically, exposing the flesh of one tree to another by attaching a branch to a sapling, and then it grows and fruits through the grafted branch so you get the right amount of delicious in the fruit... i didnt know that fruit trees don't necessarily grow true to their seed- like an orange tree planted from a seed of an orange will grow sour oranges.... so you have to graft good types to the sour tree seedling to get the good fruit. crazy. also it is possible to graft braches of more than one tree and have different types of oranges grow on the same tree... crazy. air layering is also a magical thing. but i'm too tired and unfocused to talk about it.
i'm so sleepy. i have a lot of sinus pressure.
most likely, i am going to stop traveling soon. i'm running out of money and i'm kind of bored of it in a way. bored of traveling alone and also of not really getting the learning experience i was imagining. i think after chicago (next week!!!) i'll stay with my folks and figure some things out, like what to do next. i definitely want to apply for internships at biodynamic farms and i've been thinking of looking for a job somewhere in the meantime (i guess in southern california or florida where winter is not dormant) on a farm that also produces packaged food, just to see how that goes, and to not hang out in the winter... but i don't know yet. i love the weather here.
anyway. that's whats up.
Friday, October 9, 2009
sunburn
hi. i miss you. hi. i love you. hi. its beautiful and i wish you were here.
i left asheville on monday. from a craigslist post, i got a sweet hippie chick to share the ride and i got to spend a night at the hostel in the forest in brunswick, georgia, which was pretty sweet. its all hand built tree houses and domes, compost toilets, an outdoor kitchen in the works. chickens. wooden trails on stilts through the woods. a big glass house for yoga. gardens. a lake. an outdoor shower and a bath... it 's pretty glorious. i didn't stay long, nor did i socialize much with the staff who were the only people there the night i stayed. i don't know why not. they all seemed pretty awesome, and interesting. i just needed some solo time.
i left and spent a night in my aunt's trailer in a gated retirement community while she was in new york. it was kind of awesome to be alone. and it was hot and muggy and beautiful. nice respite.
anyway. now i'm on this "farm" in florida, which is like, mostly a hippie homestead, sort of a preserve. the guy who owns it is a botanist who works for the state. he's smart and the place is pretty nice. i was sleeping in a stationary van with a mattress, that was nice and looked out on a meadow, sweet under the moon and stars at night. but last night there were two huge flying roaches in there, so i moved into the trailer. there are two of us in there, another wwoof person and i. there is no power. there is drinking water and a pond for bathing. there is a fire for cooking. there's a "compost toilet" which is not very private and i've had a hard time using it- its just a bucket under a toilet seat with a curtain on one side. you cover the shit with leaves and put into an aging compost pile. i'm down with the humanure, but i don't like having no privacy to shit in. i didn't go for 24 hours.
anyway. its not really a farm, but it probably will be one day. there are lots of really young fruit trees (fruitless now though) ... and nut trees. there are basil, mint, and some other herbs. lemongrass. but nothing really to eat. probably there are lots of edible mushrooms, but i haven't learned about them yet. mycol- the owner, buys food. we have a stew we keep adding to. potatoes and onions in the mornings for breakfast- we cook over a fire. it has taken us almost an hour each morning to cook breakfast. mycol doesnt care what time we get up, so that's nice, too. he's totally a pothead dude and gets distracted constantly. but he knows so much about plants and ecology and has this gorgeous land that he lets random strangers come live on and work on. yesterday i painted a little mural type thing on the wall enclosing the front porch. today, i planted lettuces and painted primer on more of the porch. i cooked a meal which takes awhile. it was hot today and there were 4 of us working. only 2 of us and mycol are living there though. mycol stays in a yurt, we hung out in there the first night. he plays guitar and churango which is like a tiny guitar that plays more like a mandolin. i'm getting ok at banjo! i can play a bunch of songs. i keep learning new ones. i'm getting more comfortable with it. maybe i'll busk one day. i have at least half an hour of songs, i think.... heh....
so. i dont know how long i will last doing this. i have so many mosquito and fire ant bites. i look like i have chicken pox. but whatever. no huge flying roaches in the trailer so far, and its a pretty beautiful life on the finca. working on my moccasins- hey, that sinew stuff seemed a lot easier to separate when lizzy was doing it. i cant seem to make it work. lizzy- advice? um. i'm really lookinh forward to chicago halloween. i'll probably stay here until then. i'm writing from a place called "the beer pit" right now, in gainesville. heh. and charging my phone, and drinking wine. yeah, this is why i dunno if i can keep travlin. i got so little, moneywise, and i spend little, but i do spend. anyway. whatever happens. there's a million ways to be.
<3
i left asheville on monday. from a craigslist post, i got a sweet hippie chick to share the ride and i got to spend a night at the hostel in the forest in brunswick, georgia, which was pretty sweet. its all hand built tree houses and domes, compost toilets, an outdoor kitchen in the works. chickens. wooden trails on stilts through the woods. a big glass house for yoga. gardens. a lake. an outdoor shower and a bath... it 's pretty glorious. i didn't stay long, nor did i socialize much with the staff who were the only people there the night i stayed. i don't know why not. they all seemed pretty awesome, and interesting. i just needed some solo time.
i left and spent a night in my aunt's trailer in a gated retirement community while she was in new york. it was kind of awesome to be alone. and it was hot and muggy and beautiful. nice respite.
anyway. now i'm on this "farm" in florida, which is like, mostly a hippie homestead, sort of a preserve. the guy who owns it is a botanist who works for the state. he's smart and the place is pretty nice. i was sleeping in a stationary van with a mattress, that was nice and looked out on a meadow, sweet under the moon and stars at night. but last night there were two huge flying roaches in there, so i moved into the trailer. there are two of us in there, another wwoof person and i. there is no power. there is drinking water and a pond for bathing. there is a fire for cooking. there's a "compost toilet" which is not very private and i've had a hard time using it- its just a bucket under a toilet seat with a curtain on one side. you cover the shit with leaves and put into an aging compost pile. i'm down with the humanure, but i don't like having no privacy to shit in. i didn't go for 24 hours.
anyway. its not really a farm, but it probably will be one day. there are lots of really young fruit trees (fruitless now though) ... and nut trees. there are basil, mint, and some other herbs. lemongrass. but nothing really to eat. probably there are lots of edible mushrooms, but i haven't learned about them yet. mycol- the owner, buys food. we have a stew we keep adding to. potatoes and onions in the mornings for breakfast- we cook over a fire. it has taken us almost an hour each morning to cook breakfast. mycol doesnt care what time we get up, so that's nice, too. he's totally a pothead dude and gets distracted constantly. but he knows so much about plants and ecology and has this gorgeous land that he lets random strangers come live on and work on. yesterday i painted a little mural type thing on the wall enclosing the front porch. today, i planted lettuces and painted primer on more of the porch. i cooked a meal which takes awhile. it was hot today and there were 4 of us working. only 2 of us and mycol are living there though. mycol stays in a yurt, we hung out in there the first night. he plays guitar and churango which is like a tiny guitar that plays more like a mandolin. i'm getting ok at banjo! i can play a bunch of songs. i keep learning new ones. i'm getting more comfortable with it. maybe i'll busk one day. i have at least half an hour of songs, i think.... heh....
so. i dont know how long i will last doing this. i have so many mosquito and fire ant bites. i look like i have chicken pox. but whatever. no huge flying roaches in the trailer so far, and its a pretty beautiful life on the finca. working on my moccasins- hey, that sinew stuff seemed a lot easier to separate when lizzy was doing it. i cant seem to make it work. lizzy- advice? um. i'm really lookinh forward to chicago halloween. i'll probably stay here until then. i'm writing from a place called "the beer pit" right now, in gainesville. heh. and charging my phone, and drinking wine. yeah, this is why i dunno if i can keep travlin. i got so little, moneywise, and i spend little, but i do spend. anyway. whatever happens. there's a million ways to be.
<3
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